I have too many controllers.
Send help. And USB cables for charging.
“That’s all I need. Another fucking controller!” I shouted to my friend while we discussed the Stadia (R.I.P.) controller now having Bluetooth capability. Hi there. I’m a gamer. And I have too many controllers. “How many is too many, Brian?!” you angrily spit at your screen. Fair question. Including the ‘not-exactly-a-controller-even-though-it’s-necessary-to-use-to-play-the-game’ things like Guitar Hero guitars, Mario Kart Wii Wheel (Wiil?), and Wii Fit Balance Board, I have:
2 PS5 controllers (both white)
5 PS4 controllers (1 arctic white, 2 black, 1 blue, 1 TMNT decal)
2 Switch Joycons
1 Switch Pro Controller
4 PS3 controllers (1 red, 1 blue, 1 black, 1 NBA 2K12 decal)
1 N64 switch controller
1 C64 mini joystick
3 Wii motes with 2 nunchucks
2 PS1 mini controllers
3 SNES mini controllers (2 official, one weird one)
2 NES mini controllers
2 NES 8bitdo controllers
2 NES ‘other’ controllers
5 PS Move controllers
4 Buzz PS3 controllers
1 DJ Hero turntable
Rock Band Microphone, guitar, and keytar
Guitar Hero microphone and guitars
1 Defjam Rapstar microphone
2 Singstar microphones
1 Wii Fit balance board
2 Evercade VS controllers
2 Atari VCS controllers (1 modern, 1 joystick)
1 Wii U controller
1 Wii U Pro controller
2 Mini Genesis controllers
1 Genesis 6-button controller
2 Neo-Geo mini arcade controllers
1 Ring Fit Adventure ring
1 Logitech controller
1 Amazon Luna controller
3 Stadia controllers
For those keeping score at home, that’s over 60 controllers. 63* (69) to be exact.
Why? What the fuck is my problem? Let’s dive into each one and see where this article goes. I thought about ranking them but then I thought I’d lose my mind and go off on 100 tangents anyway, so here we go!
PS5 Dualsense: The gold standard of modern day controllers, IMO. It has haptics. It has girth. It has a touchpad. It has wireless charging (I laugh at those who claim actual batteries is the way to go nowadays. Not to start a console war but what a silly thing to pretend to like in 2023. Ha ha ha I say to that).
I like the new colors they recently put out, even though I still only have the 2. If you can’t guess, I don’t have anyone to play with at home since I don’t let my children touch the PS5 and my wife hates me. I mean games. She hates games. Anyway, go play AstroBot on PS5 to see what all the fuss is about. It’s amazing.
PS4 Dualshock: What a great controller this was until PS5 came and kicked its ass. If I ever pick up a PS4 controller now by accident, I just look at it and say “aww, aren’t you cute?”
Why do I have 5 of these? Great question by you and my accountant. I sincerely have no idea. One came with the PS4, so that makes sense. But then I also got a PS4 Pro eventually, so there’s one more (the white one), and I bought a blue one because it was cool looking and then I had another black one just because and then I got a sick TMNT Decal for the PS4 Pro and put that controller decal on my other black one from the original PS4. I still don’t really know why I have 5 though.
PS3 Controller: When compared next to the DualSense, this feels like it’s made of paper. Plus all the thumb knobs (??) are kind of withering away at this point. Good luck charging this thing in 2023 if you don’t have the cables it came with. Ain’t nobody got any of them fat USB cables anymore.
I’m not normally a “let’s put decals all over my stuff” kinda guy (I’m almost 43) but I felt like I had to put this sweet NBA 2K13 decal on it. What a bad idea! If you don’t line this up perfectly with zero room for error all your buttons will stick and therefore making the controller useless. And then even if you take the decal off you have residue on it so you won’t want to touch it anyway. Just bury it in a landfill with E.T. (The alien, not the game). For the life of me, I couldn’t find my Blue PS3 controller or my “Kratos Red” PS3 controller. As soon as my 2-year-old can defend herself, she has a lot of explaining to do. (*Update: they were in a separate box in my closet for some reason but don’t tell her it wasn’t her fault)
Switch Joycons in Mario Red: I held out on getting the Switch because I am not necessarily a Zelda fan (fight me!) but I AM a Mario fan and Odyssey didn’t disappoint. I bought the Mario Odyssey edition the day it came out and I liked that it was a solid Red color vs. the neon colors of the original Switch.
The Joycons are a technical marvel. Even though “1, 2, Switch” is dumb, it’s still very fun and it’s made me go “ooh and ahh” multiple times when playing with my little joycons (stop it). Since the original neon colors, they’ve released new colors as well and if you’re an insane controller collector (like myself apparently) you’re probably happy. I’m shocked and proud of myself for never buying any new colors of Joycons other than the ones that came with my system. Namaste.
Switch Pro Controller: “YOU NEED A PRO CONTROLLER FOR SMASH BROS!!!” said everybody. So I did. I even bought the Smash Bros w/ Controller edition of the game so everyone would stop yelling at me. The funny thing is I STINK AT SMASH BROS but whatever.
After a while though, I did use the Pro Controller for like 95% of my TV Switch playing (not in handheld mode) so it was definitely worth it. Plus I haven’t charged it since 2018 and it still has 97% battery charge left somehow. If they made every battery out of the Switch Pro Controller battery every other battery company would go out of business because there would be no more need for any more batteries. What’s in those things?
N64 Switch Controller: The more I hold this thing, the stupider it becomes. It’s such a wacky, ridiculous idea for a controller but some reason it just WORKED and we loved it back then. Now that we’re all slightly smarter, if this came out today it would be laughed at all the way back to Electronics Boutique.
While yes, you can play N64 games on the Switch with Joycons (but why would you? The games don’t hold up and that Z button and those weird yellow arrow buttons are all over the place) truly the only way to experience them the correct way is with the N64 Switch Controller. Just get it, use it once, then never use it again like me.
SNES Switch Controller: If I had to choose one controller for the rest of my life, it would still be the PS5 Dualsense BUT I do love the SNES controller so much. It seemed like it had 100 buttons on it compared to the NES controller (only had 4 more compared to the 80 buttons of modern day controllers). It looked cool. The color scheme was nice. And games just felt good and natural playing on it.
Actually, the more I think about it if I had to use one controller the rest of my life, it would be the SNES controller because worst case if my console broke at least I’d have a sweet boomerang to play with. As you can see, I also have this EXTREMELY generic SNES replica with the colored buttons. There’s no name, no company, no words, NOTHING on this thing. So I don’t know who made it or where it even came from. I got it for an emulator and I guess it worked well for a while.
NES Switch Controller: I’ll say it: The Nintendo Switch with the NES Controllers connected to the side in handheld mode is probably the ugliest looking console ever (you’re off the hook this time, Telstar Arcade). It’s completely ridiculous that their R&D Department was like “Yup” after they saw what it would look like. Granted, I bought it right away because how else am I going to play the same NES games I’ve played for 35 years over and over again? Need that NES controller to injure me thumbs.
While incredibly uncomfortable, the NES controller is iconic. There’s very little guesswork too. It had two buttons. TWO! There was no “wait how do I aim and strafe and jump and run and etc etc etc” back then. You either tried A and if that didn’t work, you tried B. Simple. I have 4 other NES-style controllers. 2 from 8Bitdo and 2 from…somewhere else ( This is a trend I’m noticing). The 8Bitdo ones are fun. When Nintendo made the super cool (sarcasm) decision to have the Mini NES controller ship with a 4 inch cord, 8Bitdo stepped up, thankfully, and designed an NES controller that works wirelessly with a dongle.
Commodore 64 Mini Joystick: If you’re not 90 years old like myself, you might not know what the Commodore is. If you do, congratulations. It was the most amazing thing in the world to me, a dumb little boy in New York. Games loaded up on floppy disks (the HUGE ones) which took anywhere from five to five-hundred minutes depending on…actually I have no idea what. That’s just the way it was and we were grateful. 99% of these games don’t hold up. And I’m saying that as someone who LOVES this system.
I remember having 2 joysticks for this computer as a kid. I will also never not sound like my mom calling every controller a “joystick” no matter what it is. I had the handheld EPYX and a long 1-button joystick thing called The Boss (I think). This one is sort of a miniature/combined version of both of those. It works fine especially if you LOVE loud clicking.
Playstation Move: Do they look silly? A little. Do they work? Yeah sometimes. Does your child get mad if she doesn’t get the controller that’s lit up in the specific color she wants even though you have no control over that? Always. But c’mon! Motion controls were the THING back in the mid 2000’s. The Wii took over the world and then Sony and Microsoft jumped in too.
I remember winning a Move controller and a Playstation Eye camera at a PlayStation event I attended in New York City. I couldn’t even use them for months though, so that was fun. I did have a lot of fun playing the couple of Move games for the PS3 and then when PSVR came out, they were necessary and really went along nicely with the new peripheral. Plus it was great to pretend they were giant lollipops.
3 Wii motes with 2 nunchucks: The most groundbreaking controllers of all time! Look, I don’t care who you were, the Wii was awesome. The Wiimotes were awesome too. It was so different. It got us off the couch and onto our feet just the way Gloria Estefan told us to do all those years ago. We finally listened when Nintendo decried it.
Sure, plenty of televisions were broken and walls received new holes in them because of some insane kid or drunk adult not wearing the safety straps that it tells you to wear and reminds you of every 10 minutes, but that’s the price of having fun in 480p.
Wii Mario Kart wheel: Playing Mario Kart WITHOUT the wheel was crazy. Why not just use the wheel? It always felt awkward to me using just the Wiimote and tilting it side to side while playing Kart. But put it in the wheel and it was super fun.
This taught a generation of kids how to drive and avoid banana peels while going 100mph thru the middle of a mall. Other games should have had a peripheral like this. A plane game should have a flight stick. A motorcycle game should have handlebars. A single dad simulator game should have a shopping cart. I want a peripheral for everything!
2 PS1 mini controllers: In addition to my newfound controller addiction, I also have to admit that I love these little mini replica consoles that have been coming out recently. I have them all except the TurboGrafx-16/PC-Engine (impossible to find for a decent price). It was a bit of a letdown at what a turd the PS1 Mini was. Thankfully the mod community swooped in and fixed it after a few months and made it a great emulation device.
The PS1 controllers are…meh. I’m talking the original, original ones. The one with the D-Pad and Analog stick. It’s light, seems like it’ll break if you lay it down too fast, and isn’t that comfortable in my hands TBH. Just the fact that there’s some games that just legit can’t be played on the PS1 with the original PS1 controller because they made some games only playable with two analog sticks is still kinda funny to me.
4 Buzz PS3 controllers: If there’s one game on the PS3 that I dream of getting a remake one day, it’s Buzz! It was such a fun, silly trivia game with a snarky, hilarious host. Strong memories of me and my [now] wife playing that back in the day. We still quote some of Buzz’s catchphrases randomly to each other.
The buzzers that came with Buzz! were great. It had a big red buzzer at the top to buzz in when you knew an answer and four colors that you’d use to pick your answer. This also came with FOUR buzzers in the box along with the game for no extra cost. That’s how you do it!
1 DJ Hero turntable: I was obsessed with all the music stuff at the time. You name it, I had it. I even had Power Gig for a hot minute but we returned it because my wife thought it was a new Rock Band game (it wasn’t). Being a big hip-hop fan, this game seemed right up my alley, and it did NOT disappoint. I still currently have both games and one day, I swear I’ll put some batteries in this turntable and play it again.
I remember the day I got it. I was sitting on the couch playing it, busting out some sick tracks in the privacy of my living room. I was really into whatever song I was playing when my wife came home from work. I just turned and looked at her, she looked at me, smiled and rolled her eyes. True love.
Rock Band & Guitar Hero: I have the guitars. I have the drums. I have the keytar. If they made a friggin’ tuba I’d have the friggin’ tuba. Rock Band with just guitars and microphone was fun enough. But when they added in the drums and keytar OH MY GOD WATCH OUT! It’s just pure fun. I was a Guitar Hero guy first before I was a Rock Band guy. It’s just the order I got them. But I love them both. I even have the crazy 80 button Guitar Hero guitar which teaches you how to actually play guitar (like the Miracle Piano Teaching system for NES back in the day. I had that too! Not anymore though).
It was fun playing alone or with a group. The most annoying people on Earth at this time were the “Why don’t you just play a real guitar?” people. Why don’t you just go really save a princess too while you’re at it? Let me enjoy my fake music, jerks. Even singing, which I am not good at was fun to do in these games. You want to sing Journey? Go for it. AC/DC? Why not! It stinks that the Guitar Hero Live idea didn’t really work out for too long but it could have if it came out a few years earlier I think. People just got kind of burnt out with banging on plastic drums and singing into shoddy mics. Speaking of mics…
Def Jam Rapstar, Singstar, Guitar Hero, & Rock Band microphones: Yes you read that correctly. I don’t know anyone else that has the game Defjam Rapstar, but I needed it when it came out. I played it a lot. There might even be some footage of me rapping on the Rapstar servers somewhere but I hope there aren’t. They have to be deleted by now. Right?
These wires were anywhere between 10 to 200 feet long it seemed. You can dance and prance all over your living room or dorm while singing your heart out and annoying your pets and neighbors.
1 Wii Fit scale: This time period, Nintendo was on a roll doing peak Nintendo stuff. As in, let’s make everything weird that we ever wanted to make because the Wii makes us a billion dollars a day so who cares? Wii Fit was one of those things. But it worked! It was fun. I had to wait outside the Nintendo Store in New York City a few mornings in a row just to get one. They were scarce.
To this day, I still do some of the yoga poses that I learned from this. And it’s the only time I ever did yoga TBH. There’s just something about doing a Downward Dog in the shower nowadays.
2 Evercade VS controllers: What’s this? Oh you don’t buy every single thing related to retro gaming like me? That’s understandable. I have a problem. Well, the Evercade is an amazing little console that still plays physical media and comes in a nice case WITH A MANUAL FOR EACH CARTRIDGE! I know, right?
These controllers, while they seem flimsy and cheap, get the job done. They’re wired (a very lengthy wire too, ahem Nintendo!) So next time you feel like playing some really old games on a TV, Evercade is the way to go.
2 Atari VCS controllers (1 modern, 1 classic): See above. I already said I have a retro problem, OK? What’s nice about the Atari VCS is that it comes with TWO DIFFERENT CONTROLLERS!!! It has the old one-button Atari one we’re all familiar with that I had as a child and a ‘Modern” controller that is basically an Xbox controller. Both wireless (or keep it wired in, you do you), both Bluetooth, and they work really well. The “classic” is a little flimsy, but unless you get really mad at Asteroids, you probably won’t throw it across the room and break it. Remember doing that in the 80’s??
It’s crazy thinking that some of the most groundbreaking games ever (Asteroids, Donkey Kong, Burger Time, etc) only used ONE button. Some, like Pac-Man, used ZERO buttons! ZERO! And it’s still fun to play today. The day they start ruining Pac-Man is the day they make it so you have to use Right Trigger and X and Y and Z-Trigger and wave your motion control around.
1 Wii U controller: The biggest controller on earth technically. Comparing the Wii U now to the Switch is like what I imagine kids feel nowadays looking at a rotary phone and a cell phone. It’s massive! The problem was the touch screen itself, y’know one of the major selling points, was horrible. Being able to switch (SWITCH!! Now I get it) between TV and handheld mode was kinda cool, but I never really used it. It had a few other weird options and features that just didn’t make sense for a game console at the time. It’s kinda funny how quickly they buried it and then came out with a Grand Slam in the Switch. Nintendo rules.
The Wii U had its moments. It has the best Mario game of all time on it (3D World, fight me), and some other gems that a lot of people never got to play because the console was such a bomb. That being said, it does look cool propped up on its display stand on my gaming shelf and people are always interested that I wasted money on it.
1 Wii U Pro controller: This thing can probably be run over with a truck (or at least a go-kart with Donkey Kong in it) and it’ll still be fine. Another solid battery life lasting MONTHS it seems sometimes. The shoulder buttons seem a little shallow to me but besides that, you can’t go wrong with any of the Nintendo Pro Controllers.
I used this mostly for my RetroPie. It paired so well and a lot of the games worked perfectly with it. Plus with it’s long AF battery life, I never had to charge it.
2 Mini Genesis controllers: Similar to the PS1 controllers, they eventually released updated Genesis controllers that went from three buttons to six buttons. How are you going to play Mortal Kombat with three buttons? Sure you got blood, but you couldn’t kick anyone.
These controllers are great. I like the curved design and they’re so smooth. The only problem I ever had with them was because it was A, B, and C buttons, I never remembered what did what. Is A jump? A is shoot? Oh no. Is C jump? C is inventory? What does B do then? How do I jump?? I was a dumb 12-year-old. I have a 6-button Genesis controller too but it wasn’t available at the time of this writing for some reason. Again…ask the 2-year-old. (*Update: Found it)
2 Neo-Geo mini arcade controllers: Why? I dunno. Don’t you understand that by now? I DON’T KNOW! I don’t even think I ever used these. But they damn sure are nice!
I got these when I got the mini Neo-Geo arcade JUST IN CASE I didn’t want to use the teeny tiny little arcade stick. I’ve barely played it, but I really like it. Just move on.
Logitech controller: This thing kinda stinks. I got it for emulation purposes but I never liked it. And that’s all I want to say about it. It looks like something Eddie Valiant would buy in Toon Town.
Amazon Luna controller: Amazon has their own cloud service called Luna. It’s…good. They’re all good! Cloud gaming will eventually become the norm. Maybe not the preferred way for most gamers, but it’ll be very normal and whatever. This controller is great, even though it uses batteries. Actual batteries!
I got this and the mobile phone ‘clip’ thing to attach it to your phone and play games that way. I’ve done it. I’ve used it. I won’t do it very often because it’s not the most comfortable way to game, but the whole point of cloud gaming is…it just works. Plus the slight purple on this gives it a nice touch and makes it stand out.
Ring Fit Adventure thing: I don’t even know what to call this. Clearly it has a name but who’s got time for that? I gotta pump some iron and squeeze a sphere.
This is another fun, weird thing that Nintendo thought up and it became popular during early COVID for obvious reasons. I enjoyed the 3-weeks I spent using it.
3 Stadia controllers: And here’s the muse of this entire article. For a ‘console’ that I claimed to love and defended until the day it literally died, I still don’t know why I had 3 of these controllers. I don’t think I ever bought one other than the Founder’s Edition. I got 2 other ones as promotions. They were giving these things away with a free hot dog at 7-11 basically. And they COME with a free Chromecast too.
I really liked the Stadia controller. Will I ever use it now that it has Bluetooth capability? There’s like a 2% chance. And I know that’s crazy! It’s a great controller. Long battery. Feels good. Great buttons. Rechargeable. Wireless. Wired. Whatever you want. But I don’t know if I’ll ever actually turn this thing on ever again. Maybe I can use it for some emulation stuff? Sure. But until Stadia 2 comes out, this beautiful blue baby is probably going to sit in a protective case and become completely useless. And that’s the unfortunate thing about all this. Why don’t I just throw these things out that I will probably never ever use again? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll feel like playing Modnation Racers again on my PS3? Doubt it. But it’s a nice thought. I wonder if they can get the Stadia controller to work on the PS3..?
The innovation of the controller is as vital to the video game industry as is the innovation of the console and the video game itself. You can’t keep using the same old controllers we’ve been using for years with all the new ideas and gameplay mechanics being implemented in video games nowadays. These controllers just kinda pile up over time. I had no idea I had this many but it’s a fun trip down memory lane (RAM lane? Stop it) to go thru all of these and then throw them all right back in a box. What do you have at home? Do you have an obscene amount of controllers? Do you keep them? Do you buy more for your consoles? Am I a crazy person? Or do I just like being in CONTROL of things (stop it!).
I currently have two sets of Joycons, a PS2 controller, and two SNES-like retro controllers. When we moved, I got rid of a lot of the ones I wasn’t using, but I had a lot more at one point.
Actually, I’m thinking about getting an arcade light gun for RetroPie. Do you have any recommendations?
Always sad when someone is forced to leave NYC to maintain their sick controller habit.